Many times...more than not...I have wished pain on others. WAIT...its not as bad as it sounds...let me explain.

My sister endured a recent hospitalization and it was one of those doozies where when they ask where you're hurting you can only mumble "everywhere". I took her to the closest hospital, which is under five minutes away. She was in immense pain and hurting so bad I could feel it. Unfortunately my sister knows this particular hospital's practices pretty well and since her pain was so severe and we had already waited 15 minutes without her name even being called, we decided to leave and drive to the next closest hospital which was 30 minutes further. The fact that she'd rather endure an additional half hour ride than to sit in a wheelchair, possibly hours, waiting to be treated, speaks to the point of having to explain my wishing pain on others.

There have been many times when I was not assessed and treated immediately or at least relatively quickly. Yes, I am aware that there are serious and critical needs that have to be met and urgent matters, but being in a sickle cell crisis is also, serious, critical and urgent. I don't think that most healthcare proffessionals can comprehend just how intense the pain can be. If They Only Knew.

Talking to my sister about this last crazy episode had me thinking about the many occassions, especially when I was a teenager, that I have been ignored, mis-handled or put off. I have experienced being placed in rooms without call buttons, hoping that someone would come to see about me. I have been left on stretchers in ER hallways for hours in pain. I have been dismissed and actually told that I couldn't possibly be hurting that bad. If They Only Knew.

Would I have experienced such mistreatment and shown so much disregard had cancer been my diagnosis? If They Only Knew. or had an inkling of an idea as to just how awful the pain was would I have been cosidered worthy of urgent care?

It has mostly been during those times when I would have given anything but my soul to have them feel, just for a short while, the physical pain that I was feeling at that moment. Even if only for an hour. It is doubtful that they could handle it. I have wished to transfer to them all of the tears I cried over feeling so helpless. I've wanted them to feel the frustration of knowing that they were at the mercy of another for relief from their misery. If They Only Knew.

I have been revisiting these thoughts recently. In light of my my new-found desire to get involved and educate the African-American community about SC, I likwise believe that if our community had an idea of how crippling and painful it is to be in crisis then perhaps they would be more apt to join the efforts to eradicate SC altogether. If They Only Knew.

Yes, I have wished pain on others.

Just sharing my thoughts.