Sikcell: People living with Sickle Cell

We still Hope

Could my having sickle cell be the reason why I'm still single?

It's been quite some time since I've been in a relationship at least six years. I start to wonder what seems to be the problem?? I meet alot of guys but they never seem to stick around past the getting to know you phase, then it hits me that things always fall apart the moment I get sick and they see the other side of my life that I deal with. Yeah they try to be sensitive but somewhere along the way they just don't have any genuine concern except when is the old Chasidi gonna be back to her jovial self. They either can't bother to call or come visit when I'm in the hospital but as soon as I'm back at home here they come ready to kick it like nothing has happened except they were MIA when I needed them most. At the age of 28 I have resigned myself to the fact that this maybe my fate to be alone and just have occasional dates and never have that one person who I can give all the love I have inside and who wants to give me theirs in return. All because I have sickle cell, everytime I think about it I cry, so I try and not think about it but when all your friends are getting married and your younger brothers are engaged it starts to hit hard that I may never have what everyone else takes for granted: a significant other!

If this is all in my head please let me know because I am truly tired of being alone and if its because of something else besides the fact that I'm sick then I'm willing to search myself and find that reason.

0 members like this

Next Post >

Comment

You need to be a member of Sikcell: People living with Sickle Cell to add comments!

Join Sikcell: People living with Sickle Cell

Comment by Chasidi Poole on December 9, 2009 at 8:44pm: i was hesitant after i posted this but now i see im not alone in my feelings! thanks yall!!

Comment by Tahara Boston on December 9, 2009 at 5:34pm: Well I must say, I thought I was alone in this area and that your not alone. Im sure of it now its not just in my head.

Comment by Vera on December 5, 2009 at 5:06pm: I will share a friend's experience..... She was dating a guy who claimed to love her so much despite her condition. They were dating so seriously that he asked her to marry him and introduced her to his family. Then, the moment of truth came when she got pregnant for him. The same lover boy turned his back against her. He said his father told him that he will be a 'premature widower' if he marries her. The baby was born 3months ago and the father has remained incommunicado.

Comment by Angela Davis-Beckford on December 3, 2009 at 10:39pm: my daughter is 17 years old and she has sickle cell, I truly beleive that their is someone for everyone, just pray and be postive and just know that you are not alone, we are here for you.

Comment by Sickle Cell Warrior on December 3, 2009 at 4:55am: Having sickle cell has affected my dating life, but ultimately it lead me to the right person that was meant for me, because my Exes (one ex fiance) saw sickle cell as a hurdle and burden and when I got sick, they ran faster than their legs could carry them. I did have a couple of guys that tried to hang in there, but God always sent a big crises to scare them away.

I believe that love should last through thick and thin, illness and healthy times, and just because I have a genetic condition doesn't make me any less worthy of being with someone that loves and cherishes me. It took me several years and several broken hearts to realize that sickle cell has been a boon in my dating life, because it sent all the useless men away! LOL!

For me, what helped was expanding my dating circle. I actually stopped putting limits on my expectations of a significant other. I stopped searching exclusively for an African/American man...I was just looking for a man that could see past the sickle cell and love me just for me. Here is my dating history in a nutshell from my blog.

http://sicklecellblog.blogspot.com/2007/07/mr-wonderful.html~talks about my significant other
http://sicklecellblog.blogspot.com/2007/06/exes.html ~talks about my exes
http://sicklecellblog.blogspot.com/2007/06/romance-relationships.ht... the conundrum of dating with sickle cell.

Comment by Daraya Green on December 2, 2009 at 7:23pm: I dnt think its all in your head ... I'm going through the same thing ! I was engaged and it fell apart because of my Sickle Cell ; I couldn't give him what he needed. Be patient, you'll find someone that's perfect for you and someone that can stay by you during the real tough times !

Comment by Kim Davis on December 2, 2009 at 10:56am: Not sure whats up with the REPEAT ;-)

Comment by Kim Davis on December 2, 2009 at 10:54am: First of all, you are not alone in your thoughts. And no, its not all in your head. Speaking as a 40 year old unmarried and childless woman I can relate as I had those very same thoughts and feelings once upon a time.

First of all, you are not alone in your thoughts. And no, its not all in your head. Speaking as a 40 year old unmarried and childless woman I can relate as I had those very same thoughts and feelings. While SC may be a factor you have to likewise consider the obvious, the pickings are slim!

While SC may be a factor you have to likewise consider a few facts. The number of marriageable African-American women far outnumber that of marriageable African-American men...for many reasons.

The African-American rate of marriage is on the decline. An alarming statistic is the increase in the number of both black men and women who have never been married. Nearly 45 percent of Black men have never married and 42 percent of Black women have never married. More to the point, an increasing number of Black women will never get married. Statistically speaking you can not say for sure that you would be married or at least on your way to the altar if you didn't have SC.

This may not be of comfort to you but its important to know these facts so that you know that its not necessarily you or SC. The problem has more to do with quality and availability but please do not give up!

Stay open to the possibility of true love finding you. There are good, supportive and loving black men out there still. If a man loves you he will respect you and he will not walk away from you when it gets hard.

I say that because I had a man who loved me just for the me that I am. He knew nothing about SC but loved me enough to not only learn about the disease but he also got tested for the trait. When I was sick he saw me through crisis, surgeries and even a new diagnosis of lupus. We planned to marry but the fact that we didn't had absolutely NOTHING to do with us not making it to the alter. Not a thing.

He was a good brother and I have to believe that there are others like him out there. You have to believe it too! They may be few and far between but they do exist sweetie ;-) I understand your frustration and I know all too well what lonely feels like, but you have to remain positive and hopefull, okay?

Comment by Banke Alawaye on December 2, 2009 at 7:24am: Having sickle cell contributed to my breakup with my ex-fiancee. I think it can be a factor but not the the whole cause. In my experience, some people are willing to take a chance if other parts of the relationship are going well. The sickle cell becomes a bigger factor if you have other issues as well.

Comment by Marcus McKinley on December 1, 2009 at 11:49am: Hey Chasidi, You are a beautiful young woman. I don't think I can answer this one because I am a male, a male with sickle cell whom islooking for a significant other that is caring and devoted. Sometimes we put a road block in the way to our heart, I know I do. This is only normal because we are preventing ourselves from being hurt. When we do find that special someone make sure we don't lose them. I keep dating, it may not last too long, but hey, at least i am weining out the bad apples. Chasidi, keep your head up boo.