I lie wide awake in my bed unable to get a wink of sleep or even stay in one place for 30 seconds. Freezing cold and shivering even though I'm sweating with clammy skin and the room is 78degree. The pulsating, banging sensation at my joints refusing to stop or at least slow down, whether I like it or not the pain continues to come like clockwork. There doesn't seem to be enough air in the room to fill my lungs and as I continue to struggle with the deep breathing excersise that sometimes helps, but my chest is starting to feels tight. The tears flow from my eyes uncontrollably onto my bed with is now saturated with sweat. I try to tell myself that this will end soon and I will feel better but my brain is filled with ugly, dark words. As the time crawls by, I simply feel trapped in a wirl-wind of exhaustion and excruciating pain. And oh boy now my bladder decides to be filled to capacity from my attempt to push my blood cells with plenty of water. I tell myself during the torturous trip to the restroom that the ER is just TOO far in this this amount of pain. If I'm having so much trouble dragging myself two rooms away I would absolutely die getting the the hospital. Back in bed I lie back down feeling useless, helpless and pathetic. I begin to tire out and I give up fighting and thrashing about... so I lie still and wince with the pain's intensity. 49 minutes later the beating seem to calm as I struggle not to move a muscle scared to start the pain all over again. Two hours later...Finally it's over!!! The awful body attack is over and I only have ignorable back pains. I thank God for giving me the strength... but now from what the numbers on my alarm clock say, its time to slap on a smile and do my best to look well rested as I get ready to start my day. I just hope my body doesn't fail me again anytime soon.