Sikcell: People living with Sickle Cell

We still Hope

Placing The Blame

As the parent of a child living with Sickle Cell, I once blamed myself and felt guilty. That is no longer tha case, however I do fear hearing the words...."why did you give this to me". Malik is five now and understands as well as a five year old can.

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Permalink Reply by Sickle Cell Warrior on December 3, 2009 at 5:18am

I must confess, I did blame my parents...not that I have sickle cell--but that they were ashamed of me having sickle cell. It was kept as a big secret in our family and the shame made me feel abnormal. My parents had often shared with me that they didn't know anything about sickle cell then, but even if they did...they wanted me so badly that it wouldn't have mattered to them. My mom also did tell me that she wishes that she had sickle cell instead of me...(that made me cry).

However, whenever I was sick, my parents were sick right along with me, and emphatically feeling my pain and crying with me. I hated being sick more because I would see how much my crises hurt them, and that just broke my heart.

I hope that Malik never throws those words at you, but to me, I know that my parents felt so guilty and regretful already, and I never said it...mainly because I could tell how much they hurt when I was sick.

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Permalink Reply by Preston on December 3, 2009 at 6:42pm

I never felt that there was any blame to put on anyone. I just felt that I was unlucky and still feel that way a little.

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Permalink Reply by Kim Davis on December 4, 2009 at 7:57am

Hey Keesh!

So glad to see you here on the site! Its a great way to share and vent.

As far as placing blame - don't do that to yourself. It serves no purpose and adds no value to Malik's care. You are a FANTASTIC mother and you have immersed yourself in knowledge about SC and more particulary how it affects Malik. You are actively involved...as much as you can be in Sioux City ;-) and I am extremely proud of you. You know that!

I can't really say that I blamed my parents...maybe because I knew that it wasn't possible to have known back then. I was born in 1969 so you can imagine how little info was available acout SC. Heck, I wasn't even diagnosed until I was 11!

If there is blame to be placed then it should be on the SC community - especially those of us who suffer from the disease - for not doing our part in educating the community and letting them know how SC is inherited.

Don't waste your energy blaming yourself. Try not to, at least, okay?

smOOches!

PS# I thought you guys were going to Rockford, what happened?