Every day I think whats it like to die, don't worry I'm not suicidal gone pass that stage. Cos when I think of life I wonder whats all the hassle about and if its even worth it. Lost my brother few years ago, I come from a family of 5 boys only 2 of us have SCD but he was more sever, He's name was Peter Adeleye Olatunde, we were both living in London then I relocated to the USA, kinda still blame myself, cos I feel I could have saved him cos if I was there I would have detected the symptoms of a cardiac arrest coming up and giving him aspirin before he walked off into that ambulance, you see he died of an infraction(heart attack) in an Ambulance after suffering from total renal failure for over 8yrs and on dialysis, finally got a donor then lived for 2+ yrs had a Son, spiting image of him. I really do miss him we were very close like identical twins people used to call us. And for the first 2yrs after his demise I used to see him a lot and we would chat for a while, but I do most of the talking, asking him whats it like on the other side and the funniest thing is he was always smiling but now the only time I get to see him is when I'm heavily sedated with strong pain meds. I think back to that day when he called me and said "they got me a donor and I'm going in in 48hrs" I was filled with emotions that I can not explain, I was at a choir practice that evening 6pm eastern time, got on the next available flight back to London to be by his side, went straight to the hospital from the airport, but he was already out of surgery sat next to him and when he came round I was sitting right there he looked at me and a tear rolled down, He was my true Warrior when I think back on what he went through.......cont later